I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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