I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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