you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She even gives head with a lisp.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
