Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He shit in the fireplace
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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