Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
