I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
