Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
