Sponge bath it is.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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