Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
