party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
