I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
