Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
