dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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