Got a toothbrush?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
