when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
