You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
