Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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