Me. At least after what I've been through.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just gargled with NyQuil
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
