don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
