Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
