I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
