we have officially lost it.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
