Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
