she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
