It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
