so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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