Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
