Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
