We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
