Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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