Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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