there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
