Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
