We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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