Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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