Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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