Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
