The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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