Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
