It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
