i don't like sucking hair
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
