Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
