Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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