: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
