I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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