so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
