I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
