no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
