Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
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