Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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