My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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