Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
