I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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