roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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