im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
