Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
