i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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