found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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