is your mom at the bar?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
