Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
