i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
