My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
