I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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