i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
