38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
