every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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