I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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