He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Alive.
So much puke
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
