when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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