just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
