whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
