My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
