we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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