: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Non-Jews are for practice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
